Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12
When I was in one of my many seasons of hope deferred and delayed promises, I remember asking God, “Why? I don’t understand, Lord? You clearly gave me that promise many different ways, and You even confirmed it to me personally. So why is this happening?” Maybe I should have asked, “Why are You not answering my prayers and fulfilling the promises You gave me?”
I had been in a season of seeking the Lord, and things were really starting to happen! It was exciting to see God move in what I believed was the fulfillment of many prophetic words He had given me. I had been waiting years for some of those promises, receiving confirmation upon confirmation until I was certain this was my destiny. Then, suddenly everything stopped and the door slammed shut! Doubt didn’t just creep in. It blew open the doors and emptied my house!
My life seemed to have become the proving ground for Proverbs 13:12.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick…”
I literally felt sick. I had seen a glimpse of God’s promises, and then, for whatever reason, it evaporated.
Doubt flooded my spirit, and with it came all the questions: what did I do wrong? What did I not do that I should have done? Had I seen promises where there were none? And along with doubting God and myself, came an unbearable ache in my heart. Just as my faith had really begun to grow strong, it vanished like a slamming door echoing through my spirit.
I poured out my brokenness to the Lord, “What do I do now? If those promises are not Your will for me, then what is? I can’t go back to the old me, but I don’t know how to move forward, either. I’m stuck, Lord! I was building my life on Your promises and now everything is in question. Was I really hearing Your voice or have I just been having these conversations in my head?” How had I gotten it so wrong?
All I could pray was, “Jesus, help me!” To say I was devastated is a masterpiece of understatement. That limbo state seemed to last forever. I knew God existed, but I wasn’t sure where I stood with Him anymore.
Two things I knew were true: my Bible and my belief in God. I kept having a morning quiet time because not seeking Him was unthinkable. After what seemed like an eternity, God told me to release everything to Him: my identity, my hopes, dreams and every promise I had been given. It was the death of all those things that had seemed to light my path forward and were so perfectly aligned with what I believed was His will.
I was adrift without an identity. It was ironic because I spent so many years not knowing who I was as a young adult, but my relationship with God had come to define me. What was I supposed to do now? Who was I if that was all gone?
I knew God had a purpose for my life because it is written in His Word, and His Word never lies. It was my only anchor:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
~ Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
I felt like there had been a death in my family, but I was the one who died. Little by little, God began to speak of His love for me. I’m not going to lie, I had a hard time believing Him. Then one day He said, “I want to be your first love.” He took me to Exodus 20:3,
“You shall have no other gods before Me.” (NIV)
I was confused and asked Him what gods I had worshiped other than Him? I thought I had loved Him with my whole heart. Soft as a whisper, He replied, “My promises.”
Suddenly, I realized I had been chasing the fulfillment of those promises more than I was seeking Him! I had believed the lie of the enemy that anything of this world could fulfill all my hopes and desires more than God’s loving Presence within me. As I began to repent and grieve over what I recognized was true, I asked Him to help me release all the hopes in my heart that had taken His rightful place in my life. I asked Him to help me love Him as He wanted and deserved to be loved. I vowed to choose Him first, before any person – especially myself. I put my relationship with Him above everything else in my life. When I finally saw the Truth of what He was showing me, I understood why I had to release everything – even His true promises – and focus only on Him. I made a choice to make Him my first love.
With that commitment, His Presence began to pour into me, flooding and filling my entire being! I felt saturated in His love! It was the closest thing to Heaven I could experience here on earth. Through experiencing His love, I fell even more deeply in love with Him and have carried that love in my heart ever since. He has re-affirmed the promises He gave me all those years ago, but now those promises are not my everything. Their fulfillment is not the key to my happiness. I am delighted to see evidence of them in my life, but I will be OK if they don’t. I will always have Him, my most important Person; the One who will never leave me or fail me. He is Jesus, the One who chose to love me more than His own life.
If you find yourself stuck, or unable to let go of some unfulfilled desire of your heart, ask God to help you release it to Him, and give Him His rightful place on the Throne of your life. He is the only One who will never leave you or fail you. When you choose Him first, everything else in this world loses its power to hurt you because He is the only Source of fulfillment you need. Everything in this world is temporary. People, occupations and resources will fail you at some point, but He never will. When He comes first, nothing else matters.
Prayer:
Father God, I choose to trust You and believe Your will is better than anything I could ever want or choose for my life. You are the Author of my life and I trust that You know what is best. Help me recognize and release anything I have allowed into my life that prevents me from loving and serving You according to Your will for me. I invite You to fill my life with Your love, wisdom and Truth. Help me hear Your voice and teach me to listen. Thank You for loving me so purposefully and not letting me settle for anything less than Your very best. I love You with all my heart and ask these things in Jesus’ mighty Name, amen.
Additional Scriptures: Deuteronomy 30:6, Matthew 6:33, Matthew 22:37, James 1:5
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