Here I am. Send me.

In 2015, I prayed the words of the prophet Isaiah as he responded to the Lord’s question, “…Who will I send? Who will go for us?…” – Isaiah 6:8

My prayer was about a restlessness I in my spirit. I felt like my time was ending where I was. I was eager to move on, and so I too said, “Here I am. Send me.”

Those 5 words are probably the most dangerous words I have ever prayed in my life. I did not understand the serious implications of these words. I came to find out soon enough that the places God was taking me would test my limits and test the very words I spoke to Him, the Almighty.

One of those testing events just happened this past weekend.

In February, I received a call from my friend, Maria, who invited me to speak at her retreat, Fearless & Anointed, scheduled for May 31. After prayer, I graciously accepted her invitation. It was an honor and a privilege to come alongside my friend.

I prayed about what God would have me share. At the end of April, He gave the scriptures to anchor my message on, and I thought, “Great, I’ll have enough time to flesh out the message.” Well, I got somewhat of a structure, but it wasn’t complete.

As the date neared, I wasn’t getting much else from the Lord. Then soon enough we were 4 days out from the event, and my ability to hear from Him seemed even more impaired. Exhausted from multiple sleepless nights in a row, every time I sat down to write, I would have a severe case of brain fog. And to add insult to injury, I got some sort of stomach bug. By now, we were one day from the event, so I sent a 911 text to friends asking them to pray. I felt better after they prayed, and yet still could not finish my talk. It was 11pm, and we needed to leave at 6:30am to drive to the venue.

I sensed the gentle voice of the Lord telling me to go to bed, and so I did, thinking He would wake me up super early to give me the message. That did not happen. We headed to the event. The silver lining – I would speak in the afternoon session. My plan was to take a page from Jesus’ book and sneak away at lunch to sit with the Lord.

During lunchtime, I did exactly that, finishing my last bullet point just in time to return to the meeting hall. The women graciously responded as I shared what God gave me. I, of course, was in awe of Him once again.

As I reflected on the weekend event, I remembered those words I prayed 10 years ago.

What I didn’t realize is that I gave God the permission to send me to the limits of my:

• Perfectionism
• Planning
• Control
• Understanding
• Self-sufficiency
• And anything else that was an obstacle to His moving

Over these last ten years, after praying those words, I have learned to shorten the time I spend fighting the process. The quicker I fall in step behind Him, the deeper I sink into abiding in His rest. While allowing my limits to be tested is extremely uncomfortable, I wouldn’t change this adventure He’s sent me on.

Until next week …

Miracles + Blessings!

Brenda